52 WAYS TO MARRIAGE FIGTHS

1. You need to know that when you’re married, there’s a lot more to disagree about than when you were just dating.

2. You need to know expressing anger and disagreement in a positive way can make a marriage stronger.

3. You need to know the quickest way to start a fight is to start comparing each other to other people.

4. You need to know to not throw around the “D” word. Used often enough, everyone could start believing it’s a possibility.

5. You need to know marital discord is one of the leading causes of human suffering.

6. You need to know fighting with each other can make you nuts. Relationship difficulties are one of the most common reasons people seek psychological services.

7. You need to know that instead of trying to win an argument, the best thing to do is let everyone cool off. Put it on hold a few hours or days. See if the issue is still there when you come back.


8. You need to know to calm yourself down during marriage storms. (Not easy, but possible.) Science has shown that once heart rates soar, rationality leaves the room.

9. You need to know to learn to slow down your breathing during arguments. You’re less likely to say something stupid.

8. You need to know if you think your husband can solve all your problems, you’re going to have problems.

9. You need to know women argue differently from men. She’ll threaten to leave; he’ll want to watch TV.

10. You need to know that even if you get a divorce, odds are you’ll marry the same kind of person all over again. And have the same kinds of fights.

11. You need to know what your spouse thinks you’re saying. Have him repeat your words. What he’s heard will amaze you.

12. You need to know research has shown that happily married couples use certain words and actions to keep arguments from spiraling out of control. Phrases like “Please let me finish,” “That hurt my feelings,” and “Yes, I see” have a way of keeping the discussion constructive, bringing it to a conclusion faster, and still being friends afterward.

13. You need to know that instead of just criticizing your partner during a conflict, also say what you love about them. It changes the tone.

14. You need to know if you learn to listen without reacting defensively, you’ll slow your partner’s attack, and they’ll drop their defenses.

15. You need to know that thousands of years of research indicate most people respond to anger with . . . well . . . anger.

16. You need to know that no matter how soft you think you talk during a fight, the other person will think you are yelling.

17. You need to know arguing about the past is an indication of a lack of forgiveness in your marriage.

18. You need to know you’re a fallen human being too.

19. You need to know happy couples fight. But they always fight for their relationship.

20. You need to know to respect your partner’s privacy. Reading his private notes, diaries, and journals will only shock you, start a fight, and damage your relationship.

21. You need to know a perfectly rational act during the middle of a fight is to leave the scene, go outside, and ask God what He was thinking when He made the opposite sex. Maybe He’ll share.

22. You need to know that if your fighting is beginning to define your marriage, it’s time to go to a Bible study.

23. You need to know patience has never started a fight.

24. You need to know people tend not to listen to people who are attacking them.

25. You need to know bringing up ancient history has never ended a fight.

26. You need to know sarcasm dissolves love.

27. You need to know, before a fight escalates into WorldWar III, to ask yourself, “How important is this?”
If it’s not that important, move on and get dinner on the table.

28. You need to know that instead of explaining your side once again, you need to listen to their perspective.

29. You need to know you must fight fair. Telling her she’s as crazy as her mother—not fair.

30. You need to know listening can help you avoid a lot of fights. Like when he says, “I think we’re spending
too much money,” he’s not accusing you of being like your mother.

31. You need to know if you think it’s your fault, it probably is.

32. You need to know that coming home tired, angry, hungry, and on edge is a good indicator of how the night will go if you’re not careful.

33. You need to know that truly hurtful comments are off limits.

34. You need to know to never fight by e-mail.

35. You need to know marriage doesn’t give you permission to fight harder and scream louder. In fact, marriage is an invitation to always deal with your spouse lovingly.

36. You need to know if you don’t say anything mean and cruel, you’ll have one less thing to apologize for.

37. You need to know to not take literally most things said in the heat of battle.

38. You need to know when you’ve been acting like an idiot—and stop.

39. You need to know not every conflict needs to be fought.

40. You need to know to show contrition. Sometimes even when you’re not sure why the other person is angry.

41. You need to know that being married requires you to be adult enough to admit when a fight is your fault.

42. You need to know showing humility and compassion ends more fights than yelling and accusing.

43. You need to know making an apology, even when you’re not in the wrong, is sometimes required to restore sanity and peace.

44. You need to know that going home to your parents is not an option. You are home.Work it out.

45. You need to know you’re biologically wired to remain physically agitated after an argument. This is a good time to ask God to shut your mouth.

46. You need to know that the more skills you have at defusing arguments, the happier you’ll be.

47. You need to know to not let little things build up into a big thing.

48. You need to know a soft answer really does turn away wrath.

49. You need to know loving people can do hurtful things. This includes you.

50. You need to know to distinguish between your spouse and their actions. Love one; address the other.

51. You need to know that listening doesn’t mean just waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can start.

52. You need to know that if you pray together before you begin discussing an issue, things are less likely to escalate out of control.