66 WAYS TO MARRIAGE PROBLEMS

1. You need to know to discuss difficult issues before you get married, not when you’re on the way out the door.

2. You need to know that the honeymoon feeling of love—you know, when everything is new and wonderful and exciting—can end before the wedding. And this has nothing to do with whether or not you’ll be happy as a couple.

3. You need to know the first two years of marriage carry the highest risk of affairs and divorce.

4. You need to know that if you think your spouse has changed, look at yourself. Maybe you no longer find his drinking amusing.

5. You need to know marriage is no place for rugged individualism.

6. You need to know women tend to start more conversations about problems in the relationship than men do. Men are happy if they’re holding the remote control.

7. You need to know problems are part of life. Divorce doesn’t have to be.

8. You need to know if you’re having trouble sleeping together, a bigger bed might solve everything.


9. You need to know if you’re unhappy, you’re also to blame.

10. You need to know to work on yourself. It’s more productive than trying to change the other person.

11. You need to know if you focus more on your golf game than on your marriage, you will wind up shooting in the high 70s. And enjoying the single life.

12. You need to know a couple’s joy is based on the ability of the husband and wife to adjust to things beyond their control.

13. You need to know if you worry all the time, you could be slowly killing your marriage.

14. You need to know to not say everything that enters your mind.

15. You need to know criticism (“You never,” “You should,” “You always,”) slowly corrodes a marriage.

16. You need to know your spouse can sense when something is wrong. If you’ve had a bad day or you’re
coming down with a migraine, say so. Don’t let them think you’re angry.

17. You need to know that if you let yourself get to the point where you start feeling contempt for your partner, you’ll forget why you fell in love with them.

18. You need to know that denying all responsibility for the problems you’re facing is a problem.

19. You need to know it’s easier to see the defensiveness in your partner than in yourself.

20. You need to know that constantly complaining about your marriage to anyone who’ll listen will lead to you having no one to complain about.

21. You need to know blame doesn’t make a marriage stronger.

22. You need to know that when you make accusations about what your partner is thinking (“You think I don’t know what I’m doing”), you’re setting the stage for a no-win argument.

23. You need to know that if you respond to your partner’s complaint with a bigger complaint of your own and totally ignore what’s been said, you’re avoiding responsibility. And the fight will go on.

24. You need to know if you’re still mad about something that happened five years ago, it’s a sign you’re off your meds.

25. You need to know the less defensive you act during an argument, the sooner your partner will realize you’re actually listening to what they’re saying.

26. You need to know that stonewalling— responding to a complaint or criticism with the silent treatment—tells your spouse you really don’t care much about the marriage.

27. You need to know not talking about a problem often leads to bigger problems.

28. You need to know if you bring your anger from work into the house, you’ll now have problems in both places.

29. You need to know to be on time. Be on time for dinner, be on time when you meet somewhere. Don’t keep the other one hanging. It causes problems.

30. You need to know if you put up with lying, drugs, alcohol, or infidelity early in your marriage, the later years will only be worse.

31. You need to know a lack of food, energy, sleep, or exercise can cause even the most mild-mannered
person to lose it over a dirty dish.

32. You need to know to fight the urge to scold, nag, and whine. Sometimes it’s a battle.

33. You need to know that when someone is suffering from depression, you can’t cheer them up. Men doing the dishes won’t even help. A doctor is what’s needed.

34. You need to know if you’re spending all your time blogging online about the state of your marriage instead of actually talking to your husband, you have an issue.

35. You need to know if you are watching TV for three hours a night but spending only ten minutes in conversation, you have an issue.

36. You need to know if you don’t want to have any more sex with your spouse, you have an issue.

37. You need to know if you find yourselves screaming at each other over whether to have squash or spinach for dinner, you have other problems.

38. You need to know that if you focus on each other’s imperfections, they will only grow larger in your mind.

39. You need to know if you have to tell your spouse, “You can’t take a joke,” you probably didn’t tell one.

40. You need to know to let go of your compulsion to control your spouse. You’re not helping; you’re actually driving them crazy.

41. You need to know moving can cause problems. Moving to a new city can be marriage altering.

42. You need to know that if you can’t give up alcohol or drugs for your marriage, you have issues.

43. You need to know you’re entitled to a life of sobriety and sanity. So are your kids.

44. You need to know if your friends think your marriage has issues, you have issues.

45. You need to know if you have low self-esteem, you’ll think your wife feels the same way about you.

46. You need to know that blaming your spouse makes you sound like an eight-year-old.

47. You need to know that when people feel powerless, they get scared.

48. You need to know if you can’t control your spending, you’ll have issues.

49. You need to know if you’re always taking money out of savings to cover your spending, you have issues.

50. You need to know if you’re always taking a pill to ease the stress, you have issues.

51. You need to know if you fight with each other every time you drink, you have issues.

52. You need to know if you can’t stop criticizing your spouse, you have issues.

53. You need to know if you’re a moody person, you’re hard to live with.

54. You need to know a solid marriage is built on cooperation. Not control.

55. You need to know working late all the time can lead to issues.

56. You need to know a crazy mother-in-law can be an issue. Two crazy mothers-in-law can be reason to move overseas.

57. You need to know that if your spouse is afraid of you or your reactions, you have issues.

58. You need to know that if he’s into porn, you have issues.

59. You need to know if someone isn’t getting enough sleep, you will have issues.

60. You need to know if you attack each other’s self-esteem, you have issues.

61. You need to know if you come home from work tired, hungry, and angry, chances are really good you’re primed for a fight.With the nearest available target.

62. You need to know if you constantly criticize yourself, you’ll be prone to constantly criticize your wife.

63. You need to know that living together before you get engaged increases the likelihood you’ll marry a loser for no other reason than he’s there and you know he’s available. Now you have real problems.

64. You need to know if you can’t be alone with each other—if you constantly need people around you—you have issues.

65. You need to know there is a point of no return if you wait too long to deal with problems.

66. You need to know these nine words that can change a relationship: “I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me.”