56 WAYS TO WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE

1. You need to know these stats:
25% of marriages have to deal
with alcoholism
22% with drug addiction
28% with infidelity
40% with financial crisis
100% with each other.

2. You need to know to act like you enjoy what your spouse likes. She may love watching the stars at night while you’re bored to tears. Still, you watch.

3. You need to know that if you concentrate on what’s good and right and wonderful about your marriage,
soon that’s all you’ll be able to see.

4. You need to know shared sacrifice— like tithing or community service—makes a marriage stronger.

5. You need to know your happiness can’t rest on what your spouse thinks of you this very moment.

6. You need to know God hasn’t assigned you to try and control your spouse’s thoughts. It’s futile to try.


7. You need to know how to listen without interrupting. It’s real simple: don’t open your mouth.

8. You need to know the more you practice acceptance, the happier your marriage will be.

9. You need to know to develop the gift of seeing things from your spouse’s point of view.

10. You need to know that once your spouse believes you understand them, your marriage will be stronger.

11. You need to know sometimes even the best husbands and wives weird out. Your life will be happier if
you don’t make a big deal out of it.

12. You need to know a marriage involves holidays with extended family. Sometimes that means driving
across the country to have a burned turkey dinner and listen to your spouse’s family argue about the will. Enjoy.

13. You need to know spending time with the kids is good for the family. But spending time alone with
each other is vital for the marriage.

14. You need to know you sometimes have to get up from your La-Z-Boy, take her hand, and go for a walk.

15. You need to know marriage is about compromise. Like he gets to watch Sunday night football if she gets
to watch two hours of Animal Planet.

16. You need to know there’ll be times when it’s difficult to stand up to temptation. Like the temptation to throw away his favorite chair because you don’t like looking at it. Don’t do it.

17. You need to know to be willing to have those conversations that could lead to a fight, but are important to have. Like conversations about finances. Or job security. Or the children.

18. You need to know to be kind and gentle when you’re talking on the phone with your spouse even when things are caving in at the office.

19. You need to know that listening to how your spouse’s day went will sometimes require incredible willpower.

20. You need to know that time changes people. You vowed to stay together, not stay the same.

21. You need to know if you’re not as attentive as you should be, they might be tempted to start flirting with other people.

22. You need to know how to listen without comment or criticism or judgment. Like when he expresses his love for paintball fighting. Don’t comment.

23. You need to know how to listen without looking like you’re swallowing cough medicine.

24. You need to know that a lasting marriage is based on a couple’s ability to resolve conflict.

25. You need to know he’s not fighting 6:00 p.m. traffic jams just to get home and immediately hear how badly your day went. Give him a chance to put on his hockey jersey.

26. You need to know if you, a man, will agree with your wife, fights can generally be averted. Unless she
thinks she looks fat. Use discretion.

27. You need to know to do what you say you’re going to do. Like, “I’ll fold the clothes at halftime.” It helps tremendously to follow through.

28. You need to know to never let her do the dishes or clean the house alone. You know, unless you’re having surgery. Or you’ve been kidnapped.

29. You need to know to ask yourself, “Would you rather be right or happy?” People who would rather be
right end up in divorce court.

30. You need to know to ask for forgiveness. Don’t let your pride get in the way of makeup sex.

31. You need to know a man just wants to solve the problem, women want to talk about how they feel.
All night. Cavemen dealt with this.

32. You need to know to ask God to help you accept your spouse the way he or she is right now. That’s a much more effective prayer than giving God a list of changes you want Him to make.

33. You need to know to ask God to help you change—to change your defensive attitudes, bad habits, and negative thoughts. You’ll be amazed to find that He will.

34. You need to know it’s important to remember why you got married in the first place. Remember why
you couldn’t live without each other.

35. You need to know hungry people are more difficult to be around than well-fed people. If they are acting
cranky, it could be their blood sugar.

36. You need to know to not jump to conclusions. Like don’t assume she’s mad at you because she isn’t talking. She could have lost a client, been embarrassed by her boss, or driven a screaming two-year-old around all day.

37. You need to know that when someone says they can walk away from you, show them the door. No marriage needs threats, coercion, or intimidation.

38. You need to know to do something kind for your spouse every day. And not get found out.

39. You need to know to accept his apology when it’s offered. Even if you think he could have done better.

40. You need to know there are words that can cause irreparable damage. Use them cautiously.

41. You need to know the phrases “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” tend to paralyze the lips of most people.

42. You need to know if you always fight to win, you could lose everything.

43. You need to know just because they’re hostile doesn’t mean you have to be. In fact, an argument can
be avoided simply by not retaliating.

44. You need to know you can’t control their moods, their fears, their spending, or their happiness. Trying to control anyone will actually cause more problems.

45. You need to know that if you work on your own issues instead of theirs, you’ll both be happier.

46. You need to know to practice kindness, patience, and gentleness daily. It’s hard at first, but gets easier.

47. You need to know that comparing him to more successful men is an excellent way for him to start comparing you to younger, better-looking women.

48. You need to know to remember these words, “You could be right.”

49. You need to know that, despite what all the marriage books say, you don’t need your spouse to be happy in order for you to be happy. Love him and pray for him. And let him work it out.

50. You need to know couples can learn to fight without tearing apart the fabric of the relationship.

51. You need to know a lot of problems can be solved by just asking for what you want. Like artichokes for dinner. No husband would ever guess that.

52. You need to know if you’re marrying somebody with an addiction, saying “I do” won’t make the addiction go away.

53. You need to know to keep flirting with each other. It’s how all this got started.

54. You need to know the last thing to trust in a marriage is your feelings. You might feel like running off to Siberia. Instead you need to listen to her talk about her day.

55. You need to know research has shown that happily married couples have five times more positive thoughts than negative thoughts about their spouses. And you can control your thinking.

56. You need to know you can learnto fall in love with someone again.