WEDDING EVER AFTER: HOW TO PLAN YOUR WEDDING CEREMONY

Planning your ceremony:

Once your have secured your ceremony site, you have decided on whether your service will be a religious or civic one, and have chosen your officiant, you are ready to plan the service of your ceremony. Use “Ceremony Worksheet” to plan your wording and ideas. Be sure to discuss the final plan with your officiant and ensure he/she is in agreement.

Religious Ceremonies:

Each religion has established standards for marriage ceremonies. However, each sect may have their own practices. The following is a brief description of religious ceremonies:(you may want to review the general practices in planning for your service).

Protestant:

Protestant churches have similar marriage ceremonies but each sect may have their own practices or traditions. Its best to go over the regulations or policies of the church with the clergyman that you select. They may have restrictions against:

· Certain music

· Use of candles

· Use of photography

· Performing ceremonies on Sundays or Holy days.

They may require that:

· You attend pre-marital counseling sessions with a minister.

· With interfaith marriage, at least one member is baptized in a particular faith.

· “Church judgment” as well as civil divorce papers in the case of divorced couples. Similar marital rituals:

· The bride is escorted down the aisle and given away by her father. If he is not available, you may choose to have a brother, relative, or close family friend escort you or you may choose to walk

alone.

· There is a point in the ceremony when the father is asked, “Who giveth this women to be married to this man?” Traditionally he answers, “Her mother and I do”. He then places the bride’s hand in the groom’s and may give her a kiss, then takes his seat in the front left row.

· The marriage vows end with, “till death do us part” and may go on to finish the ceremony with the Lord’s Prayer.

Roman Catholic:

The Catholic Church considers marriage to be a serious and lasting commitment. It’s one the seven sacraments and most parishes require pre-marital counseling so the couple can prepare for their life together. The church discourages weddings from taking place on Sunday or Holy days and after 6:00 pm on Saturdays. The most traditional and religious ceremony takes place at high noon or a Nuptial Mass.

The Catholic ceremony is similar to the Protestants. However, the father escorts the bride down he aisle but does not “give her away”.

If both people are Catholic, marriage banns are announced three times during Mass or on Sundays or Holy days or in the church calendar of both the bride and the groom’s parishes. Traditional vows are required to be said, although slight changes may be possible.

For Interfaith marriages, they must obtain dispensation from the bishop of the diocese. A Church- Sanctioned annulment is required before divorced Catholics may remarry. Banns are not published. A priest will usually agree to co-officate with a Protestant minister. Most do not have a Nuptial Mass and those that do, non-Catholics do not take communion. A combination of both religious traditions are best.

Jewish:

The Jewish wedding may not take place on the Sabbath, major festivals or other Holy days. It also may not take place during the 49 days between Passover and Shavout, with the exception of the 33rd day.

The ceremony ends with the reciting of the seven blessings. The bride and groom drink blessed wine from a glass. The glass is then wrapped in a napkin, and is smashed under the groom’s foot. There are different beliefs for this act. One represents sadness over the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in 70 A.D. (this is to remind the bride and groom of their obligation to rebuild Zion, and they must not forget that life is not all happiness). Other represents warding off evil spirits in which the superstitious believe will want to harm the good fortune of the bride and groom.

The three groups within the Jewish religion are: Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform with the Orthodox being the strictest in following the Jewish law. Conservative is next, followed by the Reformed which is the most liberal.

The Orthodox and Conservation traditions are basically the same. Both services are in Hebrew and Aramaic. The ceremonies are performed under a chupah (a canopy that symbolizes cohabitation

and consummation) by a rabbi. The men wear caps or yarmulkes. The ring is placed on the index finger of the bride’s right hand during the ceremony and may be switched to the left, once the ceremony is over.

Neither will officiate at a ceremony of interfaith.

Some differences are, in Orthodox ceremonies, the rabbi will not marry divorced persons unless they have both a religious and civic decree. The men and women are seated in separate areas of the synagogue.

In a Reformed ceremony, the differences are, the service is performed in Hebrew and English. It is not mandatory to have the ceremony preformed under a chupah. Men are not required to wear yarmulkes. In some ceremonies, the ring may be placed directly on the bride’s left hand during the ceremony.

Eastern Orthodox:

Churches of Eastern rite include the Russian and Green Orthodox. Remarriages are allowed if religious decrees of annulment are received followed by a civil divorce. The banns may or may not be published.

Weddings usually takes place in the afternoon or early evening but not during seasons of fasting or certain Holy Days. The ceremony is long and full of symbolism:

· It begins with betrothal ritual in which rings are blessed, exchanged 3 times to signify the Holy Trinity and then place on the bride and groom’s right hands.

· 2 crowns are placed on the heads of the bride and groom and are exchanged 3 times.

· The Gospel is read.

· The couple drinks from the same glass of wine 3 times which signifies their everlasting love and commitment to share both happy and sad times in marriage.

· The ceremony closed with the bride and groom’s hands bound together, being led around a ceremonial table 3 times while the congregation sings, “God grant them many years”.

Civic Ceremonies:

Civic ceremonies are performed by a judge or authorized official. It may take place in a courthouse or judges chambers, homes, gardens, hotels clubs or other popular locations. The procedures would follow those of a religious ceremony in formality and dress. A small reception of the same formality and style may be held after the ceremony or a larger reception held at a later date. Civic ceremonies are ideal for informal weddings, remarriages, or when couples have religious differences.

Additional Ceremonies:

Military Ceremony:

The groom and military attendants dress in appropriate uniforms (white in summer, blue in winter). Boutonnieres are never worn on the military attire. Officers carry a sword or saber. Non- military attendants, fathers, the bride, and other members of the wedding party, dress in traditional formal attire. If the bride is a military officer, she may choose to wear her uniform. An arch of sabers, swords or rifles is formed at the exit of the ceremony or entrance to the reception in which the new couple walks through.

Double Ceremony:

The double ceremony is held for two sisters, two brothers, a sister and a brother, or it could be for s set of close friends. The double ceremony is conducted in different ways depending on the individual situation and space available. It can cut down on the expenses of holding two separate weddings especially

where a great many of the guests will be the same for both couples. The bride may choose to have her own bridal party. They may choose to use the same party or the younger bride may follow the older one down the aisle.

Personalizing your ceremony:

If you are having a religious ceremony, you will first want to discuss personalizing your ceremony by writing your vows with your clergyman. The main ideas of your vows is to convey the core values on which your marriage will be based. You could include love, communications, fidelity, and children, and a long-life commitment. Only include topics that are appropriate for public consumption. The following are words or phrases that you may want to include in your vows:

o Respect and cherish

o Love and comfort

o Pledge, promise, or commit

o Share my life in good times and in bad o Share with you life’s sorrows and joys o Share all life has to offer

o I promise to be forever faithful

o I promise to share with you all my love

o I promise to love and comfort you o I promise to accept and love you o From this day forward

o Until the end of my life

o Until death do us part

Popular readings you might want to consider are:

· The Song of Solomon 2:8-17

· Genesis 2:18-24

· Psalm 33

· Proverbs 5:15-19

· Hosea 2:16-21

· John 2:1-11

· 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

· Galatians 5:22-26

· Philippians 2:1-5

To get some additional ideas, go to your local bookstore, library or surf the Internet under “wedding vows or wedding ceremony”.

Remember to practice your vows at home until you feel comfortable with the words. Be sure to speak slowly, clearly and loud enough so your guests can hear what you’re saying. If either of you or your groom gets overwhelmed emotionally, stop, then take a deep breath, smile and keep going. Everyone will be moved by your reaction and true love.

Other ways to personalize your ceremony:

There are a number of ways that you can add personal touches to your ceremony. The following is a list of creative ideas:

· As guests arrive for the ceremony, hand them roses or candles (for an evening wedding) depending on your budget.

· Include your father in your processional as well as your mother.

· Kiss your father on the cheek to part from him as you reach his seat and walk alone to meet the groom.

· Have the groom meet you halfway down the aisle.

· Present a rose from your bouquet, first to your mother and then to your new mother-in-law (keep this as a surprise).

· Carry an item such as a Bible, prayer book, or handkerchief that was carried by your mother or grandmother.

· Give guests a program of your ceremony, listing your wedding party and all of the events for the day. Guests can take this home as a memento of the day.

· If you are having a small ceremony, have the guests join you at the altar.

· Change places with the officiant and face your guests instead of having your back to them.

· Have a special poem or song sung that you have written or read/sing it yourself.

· Have your parents of the whole congregation answer, “We do” when the officiant asks,” Who blesses this Union or who blesses this marriage”.

· Have the church bells rung after you say your vows.

· Throw birdseed, confetti, or rose petals instead of rice, which can be harmful to birds.

· Have guests blow bubbles or use sparklers at an evening wedding.

· Release white doves (symbol of love, unity, and devotion) or release Monarch butterflies that are raised for this purpose (they are shipped overnight to be released at the proper time during the ceremony).

· You and the groom present roses together to the groom’s parents, then the bride’s parents to show your appreciation for the love, which has brought you together.

· Use unity candles to symbolize your joining life as one. There are 3 candles. 2 can be lit before the ceremony begins or the groom’s mother lights one before she takes her seat. The bride’s mother lights another before she takes her seat. Then the bride and groom light the middle one after they are pronounced husband and wife.

· The bride and groom drink from the same cup of wine or other beverage, symbolizing their commitment to share all the future may hold.

Decorating Ideas:

· Spray-paint plastic lace bells (available in most craft stores) gold, silver or white. Then tie curling ribbons at varying lengths to them. Attach a group from the top of each pew and finish with a white satin bow.

Prelude:

Processional Order: