45 TIPS ON SECOND MARRIAGE

1. You need to know being married again means you were blessed to find comfort and companionship again.

2. You need to know that it is totallypossible to get it completely wrong the first time, and completely right the second.

3. You need to know marriage is asacrament. Even second marriages. Even fourth marriages.

4. You need to know a second marriageoften means feeling like a teenager when you . . . well . . . have teenagers.

5. You need to know to make a finalemotional divorce from your ex in order to clear the path for your new marriage.

6. You need to know a secondmarriage presents you with new financial complications: houses,
retirement accounts, insurance policies, and . . . of course . . . kids.


7. You need to know thechances are good that problems from your first marriage will carry into your second marriage.

8. You need to know if fearand resentment from your first marriage are complicating the second, it’s time to seek counseling.

9.You need to know a secondmarriage means your children can have a part in your wedding. But they may not want to. Let them decide.

10. You need to know yourchildren and your fiancé’s children may harbor fantasies of their parents
getting back together. Go slowly.

11. You need to know 65% of remarriagesinclude children from previous families.

12. You need to know your childrenmay not be all that thrilled with the possibility of living with a stepparent.

13. You need to know you’re not going tofall in love with your partner’s children overnight. In fact, it may take a while.

14. You need to know yourstepchildren aren’t going to fall in love with you because you’re a
nice person who gives them money.

15. You need to know it’s your jobto get to know your spouse’s children. And to earn their respect.

16. You need to know you’llstruggle with who comes first: your kids or your new spouse.

17. You need to know your children andtheir children may never be close friends. But, over time, everybody can learn to respect and tolerate one another.

18. You need to know twins can fightlike cats and dogs. So it’s normal for stepbrothers and stepsisters
to have fallings-out.

19. You need to know you’re notCinderella’s stepmother. You’re not wicked.

20. You need to know that movinginto a new home for a fresh start might be easier for everyone.

21. You need to know you’ll be tempted toshow favoritism to your stepchildren. Then you’ll feel so guilty you’ll want to buy your own child a car. But he’s only twelve.

22. You need to know the relationshipyou have with your spouse's kids while you're dating will change when
you get married. Inevitably.

23. You need to know that, for a while,the stepparent shouldn’t be your kids’ disciplinarian.

24. You need to know to decideup-front who’s paying for what (the mortgage, vacations, private
soccer lessons) and for how long.

25. You need to know to make specialarrangements for stepkids who visit a few days each week or month. Make sure they have their own bed, toothbrush, toiletries, and clothes so they feel like members of the family. Not visitors.

26. You need to know to wait until you’vebonded as a family before you have a new baby together. The
children’s nerves are frayed enough.

27. You need to know the moment youstart referring to the children as “my kids” and “your kids,”
you’re entering deep water.

28. You need to know some things neverchange, and that includes disagreements over money, noise, discipline, and other everyday ups and downs of family life.

29. You need to know keepingyour emotions bottled up didn’t work in your first marriage.

30. You need to know a new marriageisn’t going to solve your kids’ problems. Kids in new families have the same issues as kids in single-parent divorced homes.

31. You need to know it’s importantto spend time just with your own kids. They need you now more than ever.

32. You need to know to decide whomakes emergency medical decisions for your kids if you’re not around.
Your ex? Your spouse? Your father?

33. You need to know a will protects yourchildren, but be sure to address the fact that a surviving spouse might be entitled to your estate. Cutting out your kids.

34. You need to know it’s agood idea to keep separate personal accounts, but to pool cost-of-living money in a joint account. This is what the rich and famous do.

35. You need to know yourstepkids will probably like their grandparents (her ex in-laws) more
than they like you. Perfectly normal.

36. You need to know that ifyou bring children into a marriage, you’re going to have to be deliberate
about making time for your marriage. Doing so will only benefit your kids.

37. You need to know teenagers can besullen, moody, difficult, and frustrating even when there’s not a stepparent in their lives. You’re not the cause.

38. You need to know your stepkids willdecide what to call you. They may not be comfortable with “Mom” or “Dad.”

39. You need to know to encourage yourstepchildren to have close relationships with both their birth parents.

40. You need to know your new familyneeds new traditions.

41. You need to know special occasionsinvolving children now include you, your new spouse, your ex spouse, everybody’s stepchildren, and everybody’s parents.

42. You need to know to stay active inyour children’s lives, especially if they don’t live with you.

43. You need to know that, evenafter you remarry, the pain over the end of your first marriage may take
a long, long time to go away.

44. You need to know why thefirst marriage didn’t work. So you can make sure this one will.

45. You need to know his ex mother-in-lawmight call. Regularly.