21 WAYS TO MARRIAGE AND FIDELITY

1. You need to know where each of you stands on sexual fidelity. You think you know. But make sure.

2. You need to know an affairis more likely to affect your marriage than a divorce. And that happens to 50 percent of marriages.

3. You need to know you canno longer fantasize about other people. Really. It’s stupid.

4. You need to know that studiesindicate the more sexual partners a person has before marriage, the
more likely that person is to stray.

5. You need to know anaffair doesn’t just happen. It’s a decision you make along the way.

6. You need to know research stronglysuggests an affair doesn’t make you happier. Even if no one finds out.

7. You need to know an affairwon’t do anything for your self-esteem. Except ruin it.


8. You need to know an affair won’tmake you feel more beautiful.

9. You need to know it’s stupid to usean unsatisfactory sex life as a reason for fooling around. Your partner is having as bad a time as you are.

10. You need to know the reactionsof a betrayed spouse resemble those of a soldier after coming home
from combat: complete shock.

11. You need to know thathusbands and wives under forty are equally capable of straying.

12. You need to know that even in socalled“open marriages,” infidelity leads to rage, jealousy, and abandonment fears.

13. You need to know that your adulteryisn’t your spouse’s fault.

14. You need to know to look at each otherwith the same passion and interest as you did ten years ago. The looks of “Did you pay the mortgage?” and “I’m stumbling over your shoes” do nothing for romance.

15. You need to know therapistsrecommend talking to your spouse about being attracted to another
person before you do something stupid. It lessens the likelihood of having to talk to a lawyer later.

16. You need to know if you’re drinkingwithout your husband around, any idiot could look good after several hours.

17. You need to know the more you knowabout each other’s past, the better able you’ll be to withstand the present strains.

18. You need to know you can always walkaway from an affair before it gets started. Even if it means going home to a stressed-out mom of two babies.

19. You need to know women tend tostray because of their need to connect to a man emotionally. Men who
don’t understand this wind up watching ESPN alone. Real alone.

20. You need to know that having oneaffair will tend to lead to another.

21. You need to know that anaffair means your spouse can never trust you again. She may forgive you. She may go to counseling. She can pray for hours on end. But trust has been shattered.