Is hanging on to beliefs that aren’t supported by science really that bad?
In short, yes! Clearing out those dusty old cobwebs and misconceptions about relationships makes dating so much easier. By learning what relationship research tells us about how men and women relate, behave, and think, you can approach dating and relationships with fresh, unbiased knowledge.
This is important because when you stop buying into the myths, you’ll have more realistic expectations. You’ll be able to see potential partners for who they really are—rather than who you thought they were going to be. You’ll be less frustrated and more likely to find a partner who’s a “good fit” for you. And you can stop being swayed by what other people tell you romance is supposed to feel like, or how you’ve found it to be in your past relationships.
HOW TO RESET YOUR EXPECTATIONS IN MARRIAGE
FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT you knew about dating, divorced singles, and post-divorce life. This chapter is all about how to change your beliefs. In this step, I’ll reveal the eight most surprising myths about dating, relationships, and the opposite sex from my long-term EYM study and other leading research studies on dating and divorce— information that will completely change how you view relationships from this moment on.
For example, did you know that at the beginning of a relationship, your brain makes it nearly impossible for you to see your partner’s faults (even though you’ve heard that first impressions are always right)? Or that men, not women, are more likely to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love them back? In this chapter, I’ll dispel and debunk relationship myths with science and facts you’ll be able to use whether you’re out in the dating world or in a new relationship. You’ll see that simply shedding your old beliefs—and your expectations about how a relationship should be—is the first step to finding that special someone and forming a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
For example, did you know that at the beginning of a relationship, your brain makes it nearly impossible for you to see your partner’s faults (even though you’ve heard that first impressions are always right)? Or that men, not women, are more likely to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love them back? In this chapter, I’ll dispel and debunk relationship myths with science and facts you’ll be able to use whether you’re out in the dating world or in a new relationship. You’ll see that simply shedding your old beliefs—and your expectations about how a relationship should be—is the first step to finding that special someone and forming a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
IS YOUR MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING?
Why Even Try?
Without a doubt, your marriage is worth saving!
Though all marriages can’t be saved, divorce does not typically solve personal or relational dysfunctions. For couples with children, it is important to understand that research validates the fact that most children do not want their parents to divorce, in spite of their parents’ arguments and basic problems. In fact, one of the number one fears of children in the United States, ages 4 to 16, is the fear that their parents will divorce.1
Dr. Judith Wallerstein, a psychologist and one of the nation’s premier divorce researchers, conducted a 25-year research study following 131 children of divorce.
She states:
Twenty-five years after their parents’ divorce, children remembered loneliness, fear and terror! Adults like to believe that children are aware of their parents’ unhappiness, expect the divorce and are relieved when it happens. However, that is a myth; and what children actually conclude is if one parent can leave another, then they both could leave me.
Without a doubt, your marriage is worth saving!
Though all marriages can’t be saved, divorce does not typically solve personal or relational dysfunctions. For couples with children, it is important to understand that research validates the fact that most children do not want their parents to divorce, in spite of their parents’ arguments and basic problems. In fact, one of the number one fears of children in the United States, ages 4 to 16, is the fear that their parents will divorce.1
Dr. Judith Wallerstein, a psychologist and one of the nation’s premier divorce researchers, conducted a 25-year research study following 131 children of divorce.
She states:
Twenty-five years after their parents’ divorce, children remembered loneliness, fear and terror! Adults like to believe that children are aware of their parents’ unhappiness, expect the divorce and are relieved when it happens. However, that is a myth; and what children actually conclude is if one parent can leave another, then they both could leave me.
IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN CRISIS?
A marriage crisis typically occurs when an unusual amount of stress or unresolved conflict causes the level of anxiety to become too intense for the couple to manage. As a result, anger, resentment, dissatisfaction, frustration and hopelessness take control of the relationship. The couple typically continues the negative interactions—or disengages completely from one another, and the relationship shuts down. I call this the boiling point or marital meltdown in the marriage. It is usually at this place in the crisis process that a couple calls seeking help from a counselor, minister, friend or family member. Some counselors define a marriage crisis as a marriage where one or both partners desire to end the marriage.
Every day, you’re faced with a broad variety of challenges and trials. Individuals and families are
constantly exposed to news about natural and man-made disasters such as domestic violence, terrorist
attacks, abuse, rape, workplace accidents, crashes, military conflicts and weather-related disasters.
According to statistics, there are approximately 36 million reported crimes and crime victims each
year in America. The emotional, physical and spiritual responses that follow a crisis are often more than most people can manage alone.
Every day, you’re faced with a broad variety of challenges and trials. Individuals and families are
constantly exposed to news about natural and man-made disasters such as domestic violence, terrorist
attacks, abuse, rape, workplace accidents, crashes, military conflicts and weather-related disasters.
According to statistics, there are approximately 36 million reported crimes and crime victims each
year in America. The emotional, physical and spiritual responses that follow a crisis are often more than most people can manage alone.
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